Marry or Live Together?

Do you marry or live together?
A very stark question, but one that has increasing importance today.

This was not initially intended as a money saving subject, but looking at the worst possible scenario it becomes more apparent that this really is the case.

If you have a relationship with Mr/Miss Wrong you lose out in so many ways.

This is a question that causes much thought and angst

Lost time, lost esteem and, according to your circumstances,lost money.

Probably the lost esteem with the frustration and annoyance of the situation are the main factors.

If you persist and continue your search for Mr/Miss Right, but in a sensible way, the entire position of whether to marry or live together can be reversed.

There are many marriage/relationship Internet sites available giving various degrees of advice, most of which are offered by religious organizations.

Modern young women have been raised to seek fulfilling careers rather than husbands.

After college graduation they want to spend time out on their own, making their mark on the world, rather than pairing off right away and exchanging their independence for family life. Marry or live together is not important to them at this time.

When these successful young women reach this age they often find that the pool of ‘suitable’ partners has shrunk. This can result in a certain amount of ‘panic’. If you ask many 30 something ladies what they would most like in life, most often they will reply a husband (and by extension – a child).

Therefore, going back to the money saving issue, the consensus of opinion seems to be that children brought up in a marriage fare better than those in a ‘partnership’ or in a single parent family. Taxation rears its head here with present fiscal thinking veering towards marriage.

Jill Kirby, the director of the Centre for Policy Studies think-tank said, 'People who marry now are less likely to divorce.

'As marriage becomes less common in families it does mean that those that do enter are more committed. With couples marrying later, they were more likely to be realistic about what to expect from married life.'

There are no figures for the number of cohabiting parents who separate.

In the 21st century there are now so many ways of finding a potential partner – speed-dating, on-line dating sites and newspaper advertisements. This subject is fully covered on our page On-Line Dating Web Sites Most people are of the opinion that these methods of meeting a partner are ‘artificial’ and stilted. It takes very carefully handling of these situations to be able to sort out the good, the bad and the downright suspicious. Sadly, out-of-date photographs are one of the main causes for concern with on-line dating services, plus the people who are looking for sexual gratification. 'Beware' should be your watchword here.

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First of all, facing the facts, the thirty-something woman/man of today is three times more likely to be single than their counterparts of the 1970s.

Both women and men, particularly those with a higher standard of education and ambition, are now staying single far longer into their adult years with no thought of whether to marry or live together on the horizon.

For both groups of people this delayed/protracted search for a partner is a deliberate choice, but the effect of that delay on the two sexes is dramatically different.

For men, this delay appears not to affect their social standing and has few repercussion so they have more time to decide on whether to may or live together.

For women the result is totally different. Thoughts of the biological time-clock lurk in the background and social pressures by their peers are to be seen in Bridget Jones’ Diary and other books.

When thirty-something women are at a time in their life when they would like to find a partner these same young women are at a loss as to how to do so.

If you decide to use a dating agency always tell someone exactly who you are meeting and where. Never agree to a meeting in a secluded spot - always in a public place, no matter if this is something of an initial embarrassment. Far better to be safe than sorry.

Friend-of-a-friend introductions can be useful, along with joining any local groups where you have an interest. This type of approach to finding a partner for a marriage or relationship is more natural and not so stilted.

With all of the above, the main thing to bear in mind regarding whether to marry or live together is that this whole subject must be approached with the greatest care, the greatest amount of soul-searching, the greatest amount of caution as any such liaisons where this subject - to marry or live together is concerned - this really should be for life.

Never rush into anything of this nature.
Think, examine, turn the facts inside out.
Be careful, this could be for life.
Good Luck.

Regarding whether to marry or live together - to quote Joanna Lumley below -

'There's nothing better than a happy marriage, and I think there's nothing worse than an unhappy marriage probably, so all these people who are looking for Mr. Right - don't worry too much if you can't find him, because if he's Mr. Wrong then you'll spoil his life and yours - so take care with marriage.'

Quite a philosophical statement!

Of course, this also applies to Miss Right and Miss Wrong.

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