A Marriage or Relationship?

A marriage or relationship - Not originally initially intended as a money saving subject, but looking at the worst possible scenario it becomes more apparent that this really the case.

If you date Mr/Miss Wrong you lose out in so many ways.

Lost time, lost esteem and, according to your circumstances, lost money.

Probably the lost esteem with the frustration and annoyance of the situation are the main factors.

If you persist and continue your search for Mr/Miss Right, but in a sensible way, the entire position can be reversed.

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First of all, facing the facts, the thirty-something woman/man of today is three times more likely to be single than their counterparts of the 1970s.

Both women and men, particularly those with a high standard of education and ambition, are now staying single far longer into their adult years with no thought of marriage or relationship on the horizon. For both groups of people this delayed/protracted search for a partner is a deliberate choice, but the effect of that delay on the two sexes is dramatically different.

For men, this delay appears not to affect their social standing and has few repercussion so they have more time to decide on marriage or relationship.

For women the result is totally different. Thoughts of the biological time-clock lurk in the background and social pressures by their peers are to be seen in Bridget Jones’ Diary and other books. When thirty-something women are at a time in their life when they would like to find a partner these same young women are at a loss as to how to find one.

These modern young women have been raised to seek fulfilling careers rather than husbands. After college graduation they want to spend time out on their own, making their mark on the world, rather than pairing off right away and exchanging their independence for family life.

When these successful young women reach this age they often find that the pool of ‘suitable’ partners has shrunk. This can result in a degree of ‘panic’. If you ask many 30 something ladies what they would most like in life, most often they will reply a husband (and by extension – a child).

Therefore, going back to the money saving issue, the consensus of opinion seems to be that children brought up in a marriage fare better than those in a ‘partnership’ or in a single parent family. Taxation rears its head here with present fiscal thinking veering towards marriage.

Jill Kirby, the director of the Centre for Policy Studies think-tank said, 'People who marry now are less likely to divorce.

'As marriage becomes less common in families it does mean that those that do enter are more committed. With couples marrying later, they were more likely to be realistic about what to expect from married life.'

There are no figures for the number of cohabiting parents who separate.

In the 21st century there are now so many ways of finding a potential partner – speed-dating, on-line dating sites and newspaper advertisements. Most people are of the opinion that these types of meeting a partner are ‘artificial’ and stilted. It takes very carefully handling of these situations to be able to sort out the good, the bad and the downright suspicious. Sadly, out-of-date photographs are one of the main causes for concern with on-line dating services, plus the people who are looking for sexual gratification. 'Beware' should be your watchword here.

Always tell someone exactly who you are meeting and where. Never agree to a meeting in a secluded spot - always in a public place, no matter if this is something of an initial embarrassement. Far better to be safe than sorry.

No on-line dating services are mentioned here. for a selection just go to Google. Local newspapers as well as the nationals now feature dating pages, so obviously there is money to be made out of loneliness. This is sad but factual.

Always enter into these searches in a light-hearted but sensible manner - it can be fun, and prepared for a degree of eye-opening plus some disappointment. All part of life's rich tapestry!

Friend-of-a-friend introductions can be useful, along with joining any local groups where you have an interest. This type of approach to finding a partner for a marriage or relationship is more natural and not so stilted.

With all of the above, the main thing to bear in mind is that this whole subject must be approached with the greatest care, the greatest amount of soul-searching, the greatest amount of caution as any such liasons where marriage is concerned, really should be for life.

Regarding marriage or relationship - to quote Joanna Lumley - 'There's nothing better than a happy marriage, and I think there's nothing worse than an unhappy marriage probably, so all these people who are looking for Mr. Right - don't worry too much if you can't find him, because if he's Mr. Wrong then you'll spoil his life and yours - so take care with marriage.'

Of course, this also applies to Miss Right or Miss Wrong.