Good Divorce Advice
Saves Money

Good divorce advice saves money. A basic but true fact.

Divorce is now more acceptable in society than it was in the l950/70s - then it was frowned upon.

Now many young people can divorce after only two years into their marriage because they have a clearer idea of what they want and deserve from a marriage.

This takes courage, whereas in the past the view was ‘I have made my bed and I must lie in it.’

Whether this is the right approach or not, is not the purpose of this page. It is just to make you aware that good divorce advice saves money.

A lot of these people may look back after 10 years and question whether they should not have been quite so hasty and tried just that little bit harder. Therefore, it is prudent to think before you jump.

Such is the prevalence of this course of action that good divorce advice saves money, a new book is now available ‘Debrett’s Guide to Civilised Separation’ and is available at around £12.99. This book is produced in association with Mishcon de Reye, the firm who represented the late Princess of Wales in her divorce.

For ease we list a few to do’s and some don'ts, particularly for those who realise good divorce advice saves money. This is particularly so where there are children involved.

1. Make a point of telling them the ‘news’ when both partners are present and reassure the children that they are in no way to blame. Children see an event of this magnitude in a different light to their parents and will have a tendency to blame themselves in some way. They are not concerned with the fact that a quickie divorce saves money.

2. Don't try to buy your children’s affection and loyalty. This will only spiral into a pointless spiral of competitive giving. The children will then become experts at using this to their own advantage, playing one parent against another.

3. The future of the children needs to be high on your list of priorities. It is their life as well as yours. Between the two of you, you created these children and gave them life. They are a joint responsibility – unless there are very extenuating circumstances. (see No. 1 below)

4. Don’t become a ‘divorce bore’ endlessly retelling your difficulties to friends. It is a fact of your life, not theirs.

5. Swallow your pride and continue to send birthday cards to your ex parent-in-laws and your ex-partner. Remain well mannered at all times. Nothing, except a bad reputation, is gained by rudeness.

6. Create a new look for yourself. You can now disregard the tastes of your ex-partner and start to live life as ‘you’ are.

7. Free your own mind of recriminations about your ex-marriage. It is over now and a new life beckons. Take the opportunity that is being presented.

Once you decide on divorce you need to secure a good lawyer. Remember good divorce advice saves money

1. Mediation and conflict resolution are excellent at removing some of the impact on the children. You will need a lawyer who is a trained mediator.

2. Listen to your lawyer. He may be giving advice that you do not want to hear, but he knows the law and how it is likely to be applied in your case.

3. Remember while you are in his office the ‘meter’ is ticking so do not waste time ‘confiding’ in him. Time is of the essence here. If you need counseling seek it from professionals or confide in close friends.

4. Although it might be therapeutic as far as you are concerned, don’t shred your husband’s suits, pour his sherry down the drain or score his car body with a nail when you are in a temper. The judge will take a dim view of any destructive conduct. Keep yourself above such behaviour and retain the high ground.

5. Don’t use the lawyer’s time in arguing who should get custody of the dog, the cream leather sofa etc. Sort these problems between yourselves. It is much cheaper. This good divorce advice saves money.

The aftershock. Frequently women take longer to get over the consequences of divorce feeling they are left with the pain while the men just move on.

In reality, men often feel bereaved and very hurt, unable to understand why they have been left.

The fact is that a quickie divorce saves money and is not all about despair.

People slowly recover, picking themselves up by the proverbial boot strings. Both sexes start to rediscover themselves, and in some respects divorce can be therapeutic therapy. Time heals. People recover and find that there is another life out there for them - quickie divorce or not.

Four good web sites giving different aspects of the divorce theme are:

Divorce Support Group
Resolution First for Family Law
Divorce Online
National Family Mediation site

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